So where do we start…with the designer bags or the “high-class shade” (and no, I’m not talking about a pair of Prada sunglasses)?  People see the VH1 show “Basketball Wives” and think everything is glitter and gold. But what they don’t see is everything—the highs and the lows—we as wives and girlfriends of professional athletes put in off the court. What you see (and, quite frankly what we only like to show) is a nice bag and plush lifestyle, but what we see is the good, the bad and the ugly…

Before we dive into sister talk, I have to provide a little more context: I’m an overseas, International Basketball Wife, which means I can’t speak nor have experienced the life of an NBA wife. That said, here’s two areas I’ve found most challenging:

Remembering Your Purpose & Power

You must be mentally strong to be a basketball wife, because while you’re still a person you kind of lose your identity a little bit and become “so and so’s wife.” (Ladies just wait I have an entire series planned about painting your purpose and how I found mine.) We recently saw social media buzzing when Ayesha Curry, wife of Steph Curry, (see, there’s no getting away from it) joined Jada Pinkett on Red Table Talk for some girl talk.  Many are still talking about her comments and whether she’s right or wrong. See comment below: 

“Something that really bothers me and has honestly given me a sense of a little bit insecurity is the fact that, yeah, there are all these women throwing themselves at {Stephen}, but me, the past 10 years I don’t have any of that. I have zero male attention.”

Throughout my Facebook and Instagram, I’ve seen men and women adding their two cents to what she said. “she’s begging for attention” or “that should have stayed behind closed doors.” But, as a woman who’s experienced a small glimpse into her reality, I don’t think she said anything wrong. But, I do think how it was worded could have been misinterpreted. She spoke her truth and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that—that’s the beauty behind The Miss Society too. What Ayesha did is showed a vulnerable side, she showed being a human, and more importantly she showed she was being a woman with insecurities. Ayesha has built a dynasty (purpose) of her own to share with her family, but I think that her desire to “know she still has it” is one way she can remember her power as a woman. And, ladies we are all too familiar with this feeling! Right?

Uncharted Territory

Another challenge I’ve found is living in new places. Imagine reliving the feeling of starting college all over again once every 2-3 years—the nerves, anxiety, meeting new people, and trying to unpack new people’s motives, energy and overall compatibility all at the same time. Well, that’s what I compare being an International Basketball Wife too. As I’ve grown into my platform of inspiration and sisterhood, I’ve tried to be more intentional and optimistic about being dropped in a foreign country with people foreign to me and building genuine connections with personalities that I may not be used to. 

See for the guys this is work, and to be honest, the basketball community is so small, so they either already know someone on the team they’re going to, or they know someone that knows someone, and they build their bonds from there. 

But, I’ve learned the power of “sticking it out” and making good out of the unfamiliar, which has been very, very hard at times. (Hmmm, this could be another blog topic. Let me know in the comment section below if you’d like to learn ways to make a new place “yours” and overcome some of the “new location nerves.”)

Whether you’re married to or dating a doctor, athlete, teacher or small business owner, one thing to remember is that we are all wives just like the next woman. We have all sacrificed things for the betterment of our relationships. “Basketball Wife” is just a title, but it makes us no better than anyone. Being a wife means so much more than this “trophy” that some see or portray. In my experience, it’s being a confidant after a long day of practice or a tough game, it’s being the only fan in the stand when the other fans are mad at him, and it’s being a coach or a teammate when hubby needs that extra push in the gym. But, most importantly it means you’re his haven, his comfort zone, and his paradise when it’s all said and done. Isn’t that what we all strive to be for the men we love?

Follow my journey as an international basketball wife on my Miss Married page.