Out with the Old, In with the New

A little over two month down and 10 more to go in 2020. Man that seems like a long time away, and with the way January seemed to last, it’s going to take even longer.  In the wake of the recent Kobe Bryant passing, I have to impress how short life is. It doesn’t matter how young, old, rich, or poor, you are when it’s your time to go, it’s just something you can’t control. That’s why we all, including myself, have to be more intentional with all aspects of our lives — from relationships, careers, health and fitness, purpose building and more!

I’ve been re-evaluating like crazy, and it feels good. I’m coining this my “Out with the old, in with the new” mindset. I didn’t want to go into 2020 exhausted by being a selfless friend. I recently spoke with a new friend of mine who shared my same interest in reassessing our outside relationships. We both agreed that there was no love lost, but we just have to love them from afar because our interests just don’t align anymore, and that’s perfectly okay. Sometimes you have to take a step back and ask yourself if your relationships are affecting your mental and personal health, and if they are how do you contribute to it and how can it be corrected. I know that’s a lot to take in and think about, but it’s like a selfcheck and relationship check all in one. These friendship assessments are vital to helping me Paint my Purpose, because your circle and support system are so important to staying grounded and motivated. Socialites, below are the questions I’ve been asking myself about each of my friendships.

How does this relationship affect you mentally or physically? This answer can be positive (they inspire you and challenge you to do better), or negative (draining and unhappy). If you answered “negative,” take a step back to reassess if this relationship is worth your mental or physical heath. This won’t be an easy question to ask yourself. Once you start answering the question you’ll realize some things you could have done differently as well. I recently had to ask myself this question about a really good friend of mine, it was tough but I did it. I took a step back for a few months and set some boundaries and now our relationship is better than ever. It was seriously one of the best decisions I could have ever made. I don’t feel weighed down in our relationship anymore, and I’m sure she doesn’t either.

Can it help you grow? In the very wise words of Nipsey Hussle, “If your circle doesn’t inspire you, it’s a cage.” This here hits home for me. When I go through my moments of wanting to continue the Miss Society Blog my first thought is well my friends and family aren’t even reading it (even though they probably are). Sometimes it takes a person who wasn’t even in your circle to give you that inspiration you have been looking for. That’s what happened to me. My friend Kelli saw me out and stopped me dead in my tracks and had a talk with me, and I’ve been bugging her about Miss Society ever since lol (long story short). And then there is my bestie Olivia, she’s my spirit animal. The way she doesn’t let anything stand in her way is absolutely amazing. She doesn’t let fear stop her and she’s certainly not entertained with what the next person is doing. She moves to the beat of her own drum and when I’m having a moment I know I can always draw inspiration from her!

In what ways can you change the relationship? Do you feel advice to or requests of your friends are going unnoticed, and it’s frustrating you? Well, it’s up to you to shift the relationship in order to make it better conducive for you and the other person.

Does this friendship work for me? The simplest, yet most important question out of this series, but so necessary to ask. Find out what works and what doesn’t work and make an effort to change that. The same way you take notes to plan your purpose, do that for your friendships — make a pros and cons list and go from there.

While you’re going through this period of reassessment, it won’t be easy. You’ll talk yourself out of it a million times and even start to blame yourself for certain situations. While you may have played a part in some of those situations, that doesn’t change the fact that you ultimately have to do what’s best for you and your own mental health and pursuing your calling. It’s important for the other parties involved that there will be no love lost, and one day you may be able to come back together but for right now it’s just not beneficial. That’s a tough reality, but rest easy in the understanding that just because you’re thinking, “Out with the old, in with the new,” doesn’t mean you’re throwing them away like trash, you’re just walking into your purpose and unfortunately, they can’t go with you in this season.